Even when we were young, I felt like I was always trying to encourage him.
I had such a crush. He was like my brother, I wanted to open all my doors to him. I wanted to be NICE.
We would go for walks in the woods.
Sure, you can take your camera. You should!
And sometimes, I'd get into the water.
There was a great shot of me, pulling my hair out of the water with a great snap of my neck, a reverse rainbow-a wheel of water in an arc. My long hair a paintbrush into the sky.
He liked the way I looked in the water.
And I wanted to make him smile.
But I swear he never touched me. I know because I wanted him to.
When they took him away, I ran alongside the van and he wouldn't even look at me.
I hoped there was a LOT of stuff I didn't know about. But I was never sure.
He could have been a murderer. He could have tried to hurt or kill himself, or threaten something or someone. My parents never told me why he had to go. But it must've been something horrible.
In the 28 years, I still haven't guessed.
How do you imagine evil coming from the person you love. The FIRST person you loved. If we had been able to talk, to discuss it, I might have gotten over him. But I've never wanted to reach for another man (or woman). And I never told our secrets.
But I keep swimming. Because he liked it when I swam. And maybe someday, he'll be on the shore when I get out. There's a song "I walk a little faster", and I always sing "I swim a little faster". Because the faster I swim, the sooner I'll get to him.
I had such a crush. He was like my brother, I wanted to open all my doors to him. I wanted to be NICE.
We would go for walks in the woods.
Sure, you can take your camera. You should!
And sometimes, I'd get into the water.
There was a great shot of me, pulling my hair out of the water with a great snap of my neck, a reverse rainbow-a wheel of water in an arc. My long hair a paintbrush into the sky.
He liked the way I looked in the water.
And I wanted to make him smile.
But I swear he never touched me. I know because I wanted him to.
When they took him away, I ran alongside the van and he wouldn't even look at me.
I hoped there was a LOT of stuff I didn't know about. But I was never sure.
He could have been a murderer. He could have tried to hurt or kill himself, or threaten something or someone. My parents never told me why he had to go. But it must've been something horrible.
In the 28 years, I still haven't guessed.
How do you imagine evil coming from the person you love. The FIRST person you loved. If we had been able to talk, to discuss it, I might have gotten over him. But I've never wanted to reach for another man (or woman). And I never told our secrets.
But I keep swimming. Because he liked it when I swam. And maybe someday, he'll be on the shore when I get out. There's a song "I walk a little faster", and I always sing "I swim a little faster". Because the faster I swim, the sooner I'll get to him.
