A Dream of Escape

A dream of escape.

Here in the Northeast in America, we are under a cold snap.

Since Christmas, we have been suffering with below zero temperatures and into the predictable future (according to the iPhone).

And then, with or without a cold (which I have), we are essentially trapped indoors.

I've been lucky to have a writing project to take me out of myself.

The BEST vacation I can ever have. 

Muddy Waters

I dream of mud.  Well, I don't dream, but I think of it. Swimming in it. Swimming in shallow ponds, hitting my knees on the muck below.

I think of it as a sensuous delight.  A way to FEEL.  Not just the wet, but the sediment;swimming through the world, in the few places I can.  Knowing it is made up of decaying dinosaurs and leaves and birds and sea monsters. 

I had a dream once of the very shoes that Van Gogh painted.  Dirty and old, farmer's or worker's shoes, and how they were made holy by the strokes of Van Gogh.

The dirt from the grave.  Wipe it from the headstone, but the dirt on your hands is "clean" dirt, innocent dirt.  Isolated from the corpses below, insulated in a cement box, inside which is a wooden box, inside which is a silk lining, and probably all the flowers you laid around his chest, and the knitted wreath that you bought at age 5, when you had no idea you needed to bring money for the fair, and a teach gave you a dollar.  He had no idea it was a Christmas ornament either, and so he put it over his button hole.  To be funny, or to be Jewish, you were never sure.  he is in the movie EXODUS.

Hardy Pond

Every morning, I try to walk by a Pond.  Because I can.

I want to take pictures of everything, all the colors, all the reflections.

I suspect the Pond is only 3 feet deep most of the way across, with lots of water weeds.  And ducks, who are very jealous of their own territory.

Every morning I visit, wanting to escape into the underwater world.  Sometimes its too cold, but I still want to see.

Longest Time Without Swimming

Funny, since I last swam in Walden, I have spent a very long time out of the water.  I used to crave being able to dance freely, without gravity, inside the water.

I miss it, but not enough to brave the cold.  Although it is nice to know I could.

Has it been a month?  I've forgotten to keep track!  That's how long it is!

Nothing Compares to Walden

Sometimes, you have to just admit it, when Walden is around, nothing can come close.

Even in NYC, when the pool is so accessible, there is still the idea of Walden, the open water.  The expansiveness of it.

Chlorine is intolerable!!

(Hopefully until the pool seems warm compared to Walden and a nice alternative!)

An Ocean of Seaweed

It's one thing to swim through ponds, where you know the weeds and can break through the ice and the pond scum like a racetrack.

But the ocean, constantly moving, you are never sure where you are.
The ground moves beneath you.

Terrifying.

The Impotence of Rage

And the guy who worked so hard to get her there, in the moment.  There she was, although she wasn't afraid of being raped.  She had been through worse.  And she wasn't tied up here, although he thought she was.  She was ready to attack him, ready to grab whatever she could, with her free hand when he was in the midst of distraction.

But he was always limp, and she didn't want to make it worse for him that way.  She looked away, played the terrified girl when she realized he was powerless.

He left the room and she shrugged.  Now, how to get out of the house. He's not a danger naymore, just an annoyance. (She hoped)

Her Brother in The Garden

I still think of Her Brother in the Garden.

He knows her, but is behind the glass.

Did he get her pregnant?  Did he think he did?

Is that why he can't talk anymore?? (That and all the violence he did to himself)

Vanderbilt YMCA Pool

I love it!! 

Actually, there are 2.  I got a tour, but was utterly lost my first time. The tour was Tuesday, 5:45. The big pool had at least 3 people per lane, which I thought was crowded and the tour guide said it was "busy".

The next night, I went and shared a lane, circle swimming, with 3 other people. It felt giant compared to Greenpoint.

And not crowded at all!! 

Gyms without Pools

Swimming would be the best exercise, if the gyms had them.

Manhattan is notorious for expensive gyms. And also for a lack of real estate. I'm in a position to get access to a very expensive gym, but one which does not have a pool.

So I'm probably going back to the YMCA in Brooklyn. 

74 Degrees in February

So a week ago Thursday, we had the 3rd storm in a week.

And then last Thursday, it was hot enough to sweat. To walk around and want to take off all your clothes and jump in a lake.  Even better, the scent of spring was in the air.  Defrosted dirt, balmy breezes, no smell of snow.  It's not moisture, or an incoming rain, its better.

I had no idea the temperature could smell so sweet.

There was ice on Walden.  And still snowbanks everywhere you looked.  But you had to remember that it was still February.

But it was nice to forget.

YMCA Swimming

Every escape under the water is good.

No matter how much money you've paid or the clarity of the water, it is always good and beautiful.

I don't understand why people wear goggles underwater in a pool. There's nothing to see of value. Except odd views of other people's bodies at angles you'd never want to understand unless you were sexually intimate. Even then.

She kept her eyes closed and kept swimming.